What the last decade - of DANCE & LIFE - taught me
Looking back has never been "my thing" unless I do it as a student. A student of life.
We may live, or survive, without gathering our bearings; we may also grow older without growing up - ever. I choose to gather my bearings and to grow up. Annualy, weekly, I´d say daily.
As we enter 2020, I stop, breathe, and look back in search of answers, guidelines, lessons learned, jewels I can take with me on my upcoming Life Chapter.
We´re starting a new decade, one I believe will be a huge turn for the world, collectively, and for each of us, individually.
I run through photos of the last decade and bow in gratitude: my life and career in Egypt, my work trips around the world, the books I´ve written and published, the thousands of students who crossed paths with me, the first steps of Joana Saahirah´s Online Dance School, the friends and the mind-heart opening experiences, the relationships that shaped me, the gifts and the losses - and the gifts hidden in the losses -; I don´t stop the tears from falling. Being PRESENT (also) means allowing whatever is to be.
If I feel like crying, I cry. That´s a lesson I gathered from the last decade.
For a long time, I thought being strong meant I had to be joyful and positive all the time. Allowing myself to feel down, tired, sad or hopeless meant - in my head - I was accepting defeat. Whatever defeat meant, it wasn´t good. So, I kept pushing, demanding, running, climbing the mountains without stopping, resting, celebrating my conquests or allowing myself to be human. Fully human.
Now, at the verge of CROSSING THE BRIDGE to the OTHER SIDE (2020), I sit down, as calm as I can be, and collect a few lessons I gathered, the ones I want to take with me for the upcoming years. Upcoming life.
Enjoy my list:
1. The first lesson comes in the sequence of "allowing my tears to flow".
I learned that HAPPINESS isn´t a state of constant smiling-positivity-joy. Happiness is WHOLENESS and a default mode - which I call Internal Home - of happiness we can always return to. We may bounce out of that Happiness but we return to it because it resides within. We know it´s there, it doesn´t come from exterior sources; it´s our original Homeland.
In other words, Happiness isn´t a place, a person, a circumstance - it´s a place we build inside.
2. I learned SUCCESS isn´t just about gathering victories in your career but actually building a LIFE you love and loves you back.
Success is a cocktail of fulfilment on different areas - professional/creative, personal, physical, emotional, spiritual.
3. I learned that in order to become OURSELVES we have distance ourselves from what the world tells us we should be. That includes the CONCEPT OF FITNESS, BEAUTY, HAPPINESS, SUCCESS, ABUNDANCE and LOVE we´re sold.
Building MYSELF means, at a certain extent, rejecting a lot of what´s promoted as the "perfect woman" or the "perfect dance" or "the perfect life".
4. I learned there´s GOOD people in the world.
I mean, really.
Along the way, I met devils, envy patrols, haters, self-hating folks who hate on other people; I also met human beings who were so pure and kind in their hearts they made me believe in angels.
As the saying goes, "we always find what we´re looking for". True. If you look for the GOOD in people, you´ll find it.
5. I learned that FREEDOM has a price. Professional freedom. Personal freedom.
Freedom comes with risks, insecurity, a space for constant challenge. And I learned I´d rather be FREE and navigate in uncertainty than live in a jail of my own making, immersed in certainties and a precocious death.
Being a successful Oriental Dancer, Teacher, Author, Entrepreneur is awesome but it has its downfalls and challenges, like everything else. We like to focus on the top of the iceberg - the visible "pleasantness" - and ignore what lies beneath it - the struggles, the constant work, the risks, the vulnerability, the strength you need to develop in order to be the boss of your own career/life.
6. I learned that WINNING means losing and I´ve come to terms with it. When we choose to go to China, we cannot choose to go to Spain. Not simultaneously.
If I choose one path, I lose all the other paths I could have chosen. And it´s fine.
Human beings manage limited resources - time, energy, focus, natural and acquired skills. Accepting those limitations and working with/around them instead of wishing to be what they´re not and where they´re not is useless.
I knew that choosing the career of an Oriental Dancer - in Egypt, in the World - meant leaving behind an Acting career that I was equally passionate about; I knew that choosing to leave Cairo, after 8 years of conquests, to share my gifts and gathered knowledge with the world meant I´d leave behind the comfort zone I´d built in exchange for the Unknown.
I know that choosing a relationship over others means I´ll dedicate myself, or a huge part of myself, to a defined number of people, leaving many other (interesting people) behind. I cannot be 100% present everywhere, in everything, with everyone.
Coming to terms with CHOICES, PRIORITIES, WINNING AND WHAT WE LOSE WHEN WE WIN has been a huge life-changer.
7. I learned that in order to BE LOVED, we have to LOVE OURSELVES, first. There´s a good reason why this is a cliché - it´s because it´s the truth.
For a long time, I searched for LOVE outside myself without developing it inside myself. Then, I woke up. I looked inside and started to fill my cup. Only then, and not before, LOVE started to manifest in my life. Not random flings, not the illusion of love, not lust.
L-O-V-E. It starts within.
8. I learned that people do the best they can with the level of consciousness they´ve been given. They genuinely are. If they don´t do better is because they don´t know, or cannot, do better. Therefore, if someone hurts you, FORGIVE THEM.
I don´t mean ACCEPT what they did; I don´t mean bring them into your circle and allow them to hurt you again, whenever they wish - I mean, FORGIVE THEM. Let them go, set boundaries, keep them at a safe distance if necessary but FORGIVE THEM. Holding grudges will only hurt you - it´s like taking poison and expecting another person to suffer from it.
Release yourself from that poison - for your own sake.
9. I learned that building a SUCCESSFUL CAREER with a LEGACY demands more than the chase for fame or immediate profit - it´s a long-term building plan. Sometimes, we do something now which will bear fruits after 3 years; sometimes, we just do what´s right, hoping it´ll add something positive to the world. Thinking BIG is DOING BIG and doing big always comes from the heart.
10. I learned that ART and BUSINESS have to come together if we wish to live for/from our art.
There´s a huge resistance against this concept. I still have that resistance and I know most artists have it as well. Nonetheless, here´s the cold truth: we need money to live in this world built around money; if a business mindset isn´t developed, alongside our Art, we´ll become a poor, homeless, invisible artist; there´ll come the day when there´s no money to pay the rent, the clothes, the taxes and the food and the transportation and the health care and, and, and the infinite responsibilities adults hold, these days.
Who´s going to create in those conditions? More importantly, who´s going to live, or survive, in those conditions?
11. I´ve learned the most important things in life aren´t the ones we share in public but the ones we experience in our Intimacy - hugging a friend, dreaming at night, cooking with your mum, crying out loud when the world feels too heavy to bear; playing with our children, walking with our husband/wife/romantic partner on the beach, making love, meditating.
12. I´ve learned that we, WOMEN IN PARTICULAR, have to stop playing small. The underdog gathers sympathy but it won´t take us far.
Having the guts to AFFIRM, non-apologetically and out loud "I´m amazing, worthy of love-abundance-joy!" and actually BELIEVING IT is crucial for a life well lived.
Let them call you arrogant, bitchy, vain, selfish, full of yourself. Let them project their s|!#"#W%$ over you but don´t let it sink into you.
If we don´t see our VALUE, nobody will. STOP apologizing for your existence. Celebrate it out loud, instead.
13. I´ve learned that Dancing & Living are a balance act between the MASCULINE and the FEMININE polarities.
I´m a masculine woman - always been. The Masculine world has given me much and I´ve mingled with it perfectly. I´m a proud Daughter of Athena.
Action, battle fields, challenges, productivity, doing, accomplishing, setting goals and turning them into reality, the sun, the structure, the rational mind, and the light are my default comfortable mode.
And, yet, there came a time when I knew something was missing. Something.
Something my rational mind couldn´t grasp.
The Feminine Polarity - the moon, the unconscious, the receptivity, the void, the darkness, the Holy Grail, the Stillness/Silence, The Unknown - was missing.
I´d become a machine. A successful, beautiful, smiling machine but a machine. And I knew I wanted to remain human.
I´ve started to incorporate the Feminine - in my Dance and in my Life - and it has changed my reality.
Breathing, being (enough), flowing with what is, and receiving feel good. Real good.
14. I´ve learned more isn´t always better.
We may add achievements, objects, trips, relationships, titles, and whatever our void wants; that doesn´t mean we´ll feel happier as a consequence of the continuous accumulation.
More often than not, we need to DISCARD, ELIMINATE, RELEASE instead of adding more. Quality, not quantity, make the cut.
15. I´ve learned that in order to MOVE FORWARD with quality, towards our higher purpose, we need to PAUSE, LOOK INSIDE, RESET, and PREPARE to TAKE OFF.
Continous action - moving forward - may give us the illusion of advancement but we know illusion ins´t reality.
16. I´ve learned that ACTION without BELIEF/FAITH isn´t enough. And vice-versa.
A combination of BELIEF - what I want to manifest in my dance/life - and ACTION towards our wish is a WINNING COMBO.
Just wishing, visualizing, hoping for something will NOT take you where you want to go - you need to ACT towards your desired destination. Make the phone call, write the email, give the first and second and third and fourth steps in the direction of your dreams. Stay consistent, don´t give up, persist, rest if necessary but don´t throw the towel on the floor.
If you move towards your dreams but you don´t believe in them, or that you deserve them; if you cannot feel them in your reality, you´ll be sabottaging our action, yourself and your future.
Really, listen to me: a combination of faith/belief and focused action produces miracles.
Is it for lazy bones? Nope.
Is it for faith(less) hearts? Nope.
So, open your heart/mind, work on DEFINING WHAT YOU WANT and BELIEVING YOU DESERVE IT; then, GO AHEAD and move towards those dreams. Make them happen with your own hands and faith.
17. I´ve learned Human Existence is a dance between two entities: me and life. I co-create with it. A part of my destiny isn´t in my hands; another part is.
Taking responsibility for YOUR PART, showing up for your part of the gig while accepting that which you cannot define or change is a HUGE game changer.
18. I´ve learned that no amount of success, happiness, titles, achievements, failures, losses, disappointments DEFINE ME.
I´m Joana, an individual, infinite potential. No label will - ever - put me on a shelf with a label on. I won´t allow it.
I´m FREE from labels. Free from past, present, and future experiences.
I´m worthy, lovable, beautiful, and unique. Just as I am. Unconditionally.
(And so are YOU
)
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These are a few of the most important lessons I gathered from the last decade. What about the lessons YOU GATHERED?
I´d love to know about them. Feel welcome to share them in the COMMENTS to this blog post.
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P.S: Have an amazing 2020, an amazing decade, an amazing NEW LIFE!
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